Sep 17 2002
our wedding ceremony
On August 31, after a 15-month-long engagement, now-Husband and I exchanged our vows in front of roughly 80 friends and family members.
Some of the pictures from the ceremony & reception will be posted here when available.
We had lots of folks comment on and compliment our wedding ceremony. I wish we could take full credit for it, but it was actually cobbled together from two or three books and a couple online resources we stumbled upon.
The bulk of the ceremony came from various sections in
Weddings From The Heart.
Here’s our ceremony. There’s also a PDF version.
Convocation:
We have come together - family & friends - in the presence of God to uphold ____ & ____ as they make their vows of marriage. We celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other, and we support their decision to commit themselves to each other for the rest of their lives.
Marriage is a relationship entered into thoughtfully, reverently, with gratitude for the past & hope for the future. By our presence here, we help celebrate and encourage the marriage of ____ & ____.
Invocation:
Gracious God, before whom we stand: Look with favor upon this man and this woman who desire to make their vows before you and this gathering of family and friends. May they experience your presence as they pledge their lives, one to another. This we pray through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Readings:
Shakespeare: Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with its brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Cummings:
i am so glad and very
merely my fourth will cure
the laziest self of weary
the hugest sea of shore
so far your nearness reaches
a lucky fifth of you
turns people into eachs
and cowards into grow
our can’ts were born to happen
our mosts have died in more
our twentieth will open
wide a wide open door
we are so both and oneful
night cannot be so sky
sky cannot be so sunful
i am through you so i
Psalm I (The book of Psalms, adapted by Stephen Mitchell)
Blessed are the man and the woman
Who have grown beyond themselves
And have seen through their separations.
They delight in the way things are
And keep their hearts open, day and night.
They are like trees planted near flowing rivers,
Which bear fruit when they are ready.
Their leaves will not fall or wither.
Everything they do will succeed.
Address:
Your wedding is an unmitigatedly happy occasion, but your marriage will be a many-textured thing. In it, both magic and sorrows will befall you. You will intend one thing and end up doing another. You will imagine your partner to be a certain way and discover that he is not, that she is a person unto herself. You will have clashes and discover things you did and did not want to know. You will rumple each other’s spirits as well as bedclothes and hair. You will say mean and terrible words, and, for love, be able to forget them, forgive one another, and go on.
Therefore, along with celebrating the marvelous feelings of today, remember, especially when you are saying your vows, that you are also promising to love for the long and ambiguous future. If you can hold onto this intention, then instead of bowing down or bowing out when you’ve misplaced your delight, you can ride out the storms with confidence, knowing that the thunderhead-clouded skies are temporary and not a reflection of your relationship as a whole.
Above all, remember that love is what matters. It is the love you feel for one another that will be the answer to all your difficulties. If in marrying you have chosen well and promised wisely, love will be stronger than the conflicts, bigger than the changes. Love will be the miracle always inviting you to learn, to blossom, to expand. And it is to love - to the love you are celebrating, embodying, and radiating on this special day - that you must always return.
Remember these things as you go out into the world as a couple: that your love will have seasons, that your relationship is a progression, and that love will prevail. Remembering them, holding them in your hearts and in your minds, will give you a marriage as deep in its joy as your courtship has been in its magic.
Remember to do the simple and beautiful things that will make this love a treasure. Play. Fight well. Communicate with one another. Focus on what you want, and entice your intentions into being. Plan for the things that are important to you, and make sure you do them. This love is to be nurtured, to be lived out to the fullest in every aspect of its dreams - in the simple ceremonies of shared daily life, in realized hopes and long-deferred plans, in a quality of emotional exchange and spiritual communion toward which the whole of your life has been leaning.
It is important to have a mutual sense of values and common objectives so that you stand together as you work through the world and do things for each other, not as a duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of love and joy. Do not expect perfection of each other; perfection is only for the gods. But do give each other room to grow and cultivate flexibility, patience, understanding, and sense of humor in your relationship.
In the words of a counselor, make yours a relationship in which “the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual, and the obligation is reciprocal.” Remember that standing together never means dissolving your individual selves into each other, but indeed means the strengthening of the individuality of each. A good marriage evolves when two distinct souls face life’s joy and its sorrow in harmony, not in unison.
And, finally, be thankful for one another. Love is always a gift. You have been delivered to your ultimate partner, the person with whom you can share the fruits of all the lessons in your life.
Consecration:
Seeing that no moment is without meaning, no undertaking is without significance, be honored and expanded by the promises you are about to make, the marriage you are about to create. And may love be always in your midst, the handmaid and the master of your marriage.
Family Blessing:
The union of ___ and ___ brings together two family traditions, two systems of roots, in the hope that a new family tree may become strong and fruitful. Theirs is a personal choice and a decision for which they are primarily responsible. But their life will be enriched by the support of the families from which each comes.
Will you (parents) encourage ___ and ___ in their marriage?
Do you celebrate with them the decision they have made to choose each other?
Will you continue to stand beside them, yet not between them?
Expression of Intent:
Before God & this congregation, I ask you to affirm your willingness to enter the covenant of marriage & to share all the joys & sorrows of this new relationship, whatever the future may hold.
___, will you have ____ to be your wife/husband and will you love her/him faithfully as long as you both shall live?
Vows:
I, ____, take you, ____, as my husband/wife for life. I pledge to honor, encourage, respect & support you through our walk together. When our way becomes difficult, I promise to stand by you & uplift you, so that through our union we can accomplish more than we could alone. I promise to work at our love and always make you a priority in my life. With every beat of my heart I love you. This is my solemn vow.
Blessing & Exchange of Rings:
As a sign of my love
And that I am choosing
To share my whole life’s journey
With you, and of my knowing that in marrying
You I shall become much more than I am,
I give you this ring, with the pledge
That with you, I shall become most truly myself
And offer such gifts as I have
And I am to the world.
Pronouncement of Marriage:
Because ____ & ____ have chosen one another & pledged their love & commitment to each other before God & these witnesses, I declare that they are husband & wife.
May the Spirit that lives in and around all of us fill your hearts and bless your lives.
(From To Love Honor and Shave Twice a Week (David A. Johnson)):
May you always remain sweethearts, helpmates, and friends.
May your life together be full of kindness and understanding, thoughtfulness and rejoicing.
May the years bring you happiness and contentment.
May you enter into each other’s sorrow by sympathy,
Into each other’s joy with gladness,
Into each other’s hope with faith and trust,
Into each other’s need with the sure presence of love,
Into each other’s lives with enthusiasm and embracing. Amen.
<kiss>
Benediction:
(to congregation) Will all of you - parents, friends, and witnesses - do everything you can to honor, uphold, and care for ____ & ____ as they walk the sacred path of marriage?
(we will)
May God bless your union;
May you find peace in your place in the universe & in our midst.
May you feel the love of each other always.
Go in peace.
Presentation & Recession
